Goodbye, My Friend

In the quiet depths of despair on Thanksgiving night in 2018, you were my solace, wrapping me in your unwavering support and love. It was in that profound moment you became my best friend—the one who filled my world with slobber and hair, and yes, you were everything to me. Four months have passed since you left, and while I always had words to share, it’s only now that I’ve begun to piece together how to express the depth of my sorrow. A part of me feels irrevocably lost, and I struggle to comprehend life without you by my side. I often remind myself to look forward, but the truth is, moving on feels impossible without you here.

You weren't Argos, waiting gallantly for 20 years, but your loyalty was unmatched. You knew me like no other, sensing my moods and emotions as if you could read my very soul. It breaks my heart that I didn't get to say goodbye. You took your last breaths quietly on the staircase—a lonely exit that I hope was peaceful for you. I knew something was wrong, yet despite my efforts, time slipped away from us both, leaving me with an ache of regret. If only I could have made you comfortable one last time.

The bond between dogs and humans has thrived for thousands of years, and yet, in recent decades, it has evolved into something far deeper—a true companionship that feels more like family than ever before. Dogs, once our aids in survival and protection, now often become our cherished confidants and beloved children. They share our homes, our hearts, and even our online spaces, as we shower them with love and attention once reserved for our closest friends.

I freely admit I fell into this pattern with you. You were my constant companion, accompanying me to the barber, the grocery store, and adventures in nature, from LA to San Diego. During the pandemic, we would hop in the truck and drive, echoing the haunting solitude of I Am Legend. Your presence filled my phone, capturing countless moments of our life together. You became a part of my teaching, making appearances in virtual classes that brought smiles to my students’ faces. My love for you ran so deep that I chose you over many other relationships, knowing the importance of our bond. I wanted to protect you from ever feeling the loneliness I experienced that Thanksgiving night. I made sacrifices, stayed home, and hired a sitter for you, desperate to ensure you never felt abandoned. The memory of you passing alone without me by your side is the heaviest weight on my heart. How I wish I could have held you, whispered that you were the best, and that everything would be okay. I pray you felt safe and knew you were so loved.

Now, your presence remains in our home, watching over us from the dresser, where you keep an eye on your little sister and our new baby boy. Yet, it is not the same; our adventures together have come to a bittersweet end. I miss our special moments—the way you’d talk to me when you wanted attention, the excited high-fives before every meal, the gentle nudges when I slept in. Our mornings, sipping coffee together on the patio, now feel achingly empty without you. Life has shifted dramatically, and I am not sure how to navigate it without you.

We had our song—perhaps it sounds trivial, but it meant everything to us. Cat Stevens’ "Father and Son" would fill the air as I cradled you, and I still play it now, letting the melody wrap around the memories. You were not just a pet; you were my heart, my joy, and my companion on this journey. I miss you deeply. The space you left behind is immeasurable, and while I carry your memory with me, nothing could ever fill the void you’ve left in my heart. Life will, without a doubt, never be the same.