A Revised Edition – Already?

 

Even though the book has just been released, I can still see that as I have grown since I actually decided to submit it to publication.  The weight of much that I carried was fully released and I was able to gather more insight on many of the revelations that had occurred.  It is not as though I am stepping away from my thoughts, I now perceive more of what I described from a new ideology.  It is crazy how small actions that one can do to release an old wound really allows a flood of enlightenment to fill one with clarity and well-being.  I felt much of this just as I hit the “OK” button and agreed to the terms for publication.  I have reached the point where my past will no longer hurt me because that era is gone and that energy no longer serves me.

It is crazy that even after hundreds of edits, it takes a shift in self-realization to understand what you might have missed on your journey – as in the other patterns and signs that were revealed to you and the over-arching subsequent fallout from not tuning into that message.  The first adaptation that I need to make is how my mom reacted to my ex-wife in the past – a mother’s intuition.  Possibly deep down, my mother always knew of my foreseeable divorce; even though she never articulated it, her actions and words towards her seem more explainable now.  There was never much of a connection between the two of them, and I know it is said that mom’s know best, the details of her feelings towards my ex were not spoken.  Maybe it was out of respect for me, and she just wanted me to be happy, but it was always interesting that her inability to ask questions about my wellbeing increased as the years passed in my relationship.  As I look back on it now, silence is much louder than it can appear.  I don’t think I actually painted her in a bad light, but I did not actually reflect and feel what exactly the purpose of her mood towards my ex resonated in a grander scheme. 

A beautiful revelation occurred literally one week after I sent this text to publication.  I lost all emotional feeling towards the relationships in my past.  It is not that I wish anyone ill will or pain, I still care for all people and wish them love and light, but I have left behind all romantic ties that skewed much of my actions in the past.  The rope that tied me to past actions and decisions has been severed.  I really sense how I extended that noose around my neck as I wrote the epilogue, and even though I understand that love, and self-love, is the key to happiness and bliss, that bond to what had helped me see and move towards this entire experience needed to be fully separated.  I mentioned that I am still in love with them, and that is wrong.  I still have love for them as people and am grateful for the experience that I learned from them but that compatibility that was experienced is now shredded forever.  I fully understand and know more how the past is truly a place you can no longer visit, and to have any association and connection to it only holds back my enlightenment.

I am still proud that I wrote the book, what started as a journal to move past a moment of darkness and pain morphed into a text that leveled me up to the person that I am today.  The steps that I took to ascend the staircase to my higher purpose disappeared as I moved up from level to the next.  There is truly no turning back, the publication made that finite.  And I see how that statement can be seen as a contradiction to many of my beliefs, but my emphasis is that the lessons learned are no longer serving me and my movement forward further necessitates my growth and purpose.  It may appear that I am redacting some of my text, and that is far from the truth, it shows ascension and evolution.  The need to look back can only hinder and I have further inspected the points of origin to which created my enlightenment. 

I realize that writing might not come easy to some, or even as easy as it comes to me, but I will say that it is extremely cathartic and beneficial to process and reflect on actions that have lead you down certain paths.  The emotional release of just putting things down on paper is an act of penance for the soul.  It is the action of putting the words down that ignites the release of the bond that is holding back your growth.  What this has helped me see and achieve are the little things that create a Zen-like state in my heart and mind.  The little moments that allow me to achieve bliss each day as I fulfill myself and life in joy. 

As I sit back and even read it now, I can feel that I am no longer the suffering individual who first hit the key strokes to ignite the text upon those pages.  I have moved on and evolved to so much more, and it was because of that element of inspiration that made that happen.  The wave of emotions that flooded my heart and soul with despair and bewilderment upon my soul as I lay on the floor wondering what my purpose was have dissipated back into the ocean and calming seas now wrap upon the shores of my life.  I am grateful for the experience and the lessons learned through its writing and publication and appreciative of all of you whom have read it.  I hope it empowers people and supports them to embrace their journey.  Arigato my friends.